ninja

fulldamage

Raised by Wolves

Gaki: writing myself Real


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Sniper
fulldamage

Always when you're on the crapper

My bathroom echoes in a most bathroom-like way; that combined with the noisy fan that is linked to the light, and my lair's semi-subterranean location, effectively makes the room unfit for celphone communication. If you expect to answer the phone like you're Joe Casual, you gotta kill the lights and lunge out the door before you hit talk.

And so it was that I appropriately greeted the news that I've moved on to round two interviews for the new corporate gig: with my pants around my ankles and one hand on the doorjamb, possible monetary achievement accompanied by a vague sense of shame.

Also I had to explain to the tow-truck guy and the guy at the garage how it was that I'd managed to get the car completely power-dead, driver's door sealed with bungee cord that required a knife to remove since the power-dead windows effectively trapped said cord, thus preventing us from actually pushing and steering the bloody thing until a knife was produced, all while being unable to legally drive the car myself. There is a reason for everything. Sometimes the reason is fantastical. Sometimes it just takes a while to explain. ^_^

On my way to explain all of this, I was accosted by a piteous mewling when I stepped out the door.
Me: What?
Cat: Something!
Me: Oh, you. What's up?
Cat: Something SOMETHING!
Me: C'mon, spit it out.
Cat: SOMETHING URGENT!
Me: Well, c'mere then.
Cat: DON'T TOUCH ME I HAVE DEEP SEATED ISSUES!!!
Me: There's a chain link fence between us, kid, I can't come any nearer anyway.
Cat: But answer me! It's dire! It's all chaos out there and it's cold and I'M HUNGRY!
Me: Oh, for hell's sake...

The kitchen contains very little that can be prepared readily, but I brought out a couple of spoonfuls of tuna on a paper plate, and led the little bastard over to the gate where I could slide it under to him. Less than five minutes later, when I came back to check on something, the plate was gone, and so was the cat. So either he took it with him, or the neighbors have caught me red-handed feeding stray animals in their yard, ill-bred sonuvamongoose that I am. Cat, if you have gotten me in trouble, I swear I will bite you next time I see you.

(thoughtfully finishing the can of tuna with a fork. Meows to you one and all.)


Sometimes at night, these stray wall-etchings outside my front door metamorphize into a hellish Oni face and attack me. By staring. It's God's honest truth I'm telling you.

Edit: I was going to vacuum, but I find that for some reason the cleaner is sans vacuum tube. I know I just said there are reasons for everything. I'd like to amend that to reflect that, sometimes, there are things I'd rather not know the reasons for.

Not inlcuded among those things is the reason for why my internet connection is so damn gimpy today. Network status reads 100%, but browsers and Outlook have taken to randomly stalling out for minutes at a time. wtf?!?

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Be kind if you're going to feed stray cats...mix the tuna with something, anything, that has fiber to it...pasta, rice...something. :) Otherwise they just might start to leave nice, slick "presents" on the doorstep of your abode...

>.

Oops! Well... it was only a couple of spoonfuls. That, and I'm sure the PLATE had lots of fiber. ^_^'

I had some oatmeal today in addition to the tuna. Will I* be okay? XD

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