Raised by Wolves

Gaki: writing myself Real

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Why Developers Love Me

(Disclaimer: The below scenarios are based on real events, but some have been slightly paraphrased or had the timing slightly reworked for comedic value.)

A benchmark:
3 weeks before deadline: "You guys haven't been turning in very many bugs!"
2 weeks: "Hey, these are some pretty good bugs!"
1 week: "Oh, shit. Those are really good."
3 days: "How the fu--?"
1 day: "I guess to be a tester, you have to be a bit of a sadist, huh?"
Night of: "Don't you ever stop working?"

The day's events pass pleasantly enough, on the night of a Final Master Candidate for the game. Pleasant lunch at the hip little sushi place around the corner, general tentative good cheer at the state of things. But like all people, programmers are only human, and they get tired...

10 pm

Producer: Hey, good work today, it looks like we'll be starting a build, the database is pretty clean, and... what are you doing?
Ken: Oh... seems like whenever you get near a wall like this, you can pop the camera right Out of World (N00B note: This means out of the playing field or gaming environment, under and away from all the 2D textures that people worked so hard to make look 3D. It usually looks hideous).
Producer: ... ... ... (looks at watch) Aren't you tired yet?

11:30 PM

(After working on the camera thing)
Level Designer: Hey, man, this is my level, you know. I don't think you're going to be able to break it again.
Ken: No, huh?
(Gameplay ensues. Ken finds a few disturbing animations at the world's borders.)
Level Designer: Oh, that's not a bug.
Ken: I know, just checking.
(More gameplay ensues)
Level Designer: That's okay too.
Ken: Am I making you nervous? (grin)
(More gameplay ensues)
Ken: Hmm... that texture overlaps him there...
Level Designer: Hey, I'm not an art guy.


12:15 PM

(Ken gets a black screen. He reproduces it three times in a row, to verify how and when it happens. Despite this amazing show of talent, and his utterly winning manner and impeccable charm, the room has gotten very quiet all of a sudden.)


1 AM

Programmer: All right, I think we got that sorted, give it a try.
Ken: Hey, not bad... that was a fast fix, man, looks like you actually... oh, shit.
Programmer: What?
Ken: It looks like if you pull the controller right here... no message pops... that's a Certification requirement...
(The distinctive sound of a Memory Card reaching projectile velocity.)


1-something AM: Well, it looks like you guys have things under control here. I'm gonna get going, so I don't keep you any later. G'night!
Room: Goodbye. (The phrase, "Hostile smiles" comes to mind. Note also the use of English, not "Bon soir," which in a roomful of native French speakers, is a good sign that they do not want me to misunderstand the meaning of "Goodbye," a statement which implies LEAVING; thus they use my native language to make sure things are very crystal clear.)


See folks, when you love what you do, and you're good at it, people just RESPOND to that. It's good to be loved. :)

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::Falls the fuck over, laughing.::

Yes! I KNOW that face, that smile. It's the one the republicans get when they've engaged me at the door and I've won them over and they're off to get their check book. (The Loggers usually have a similar expression.)

I say thanks, I smile. They smile back (it's a grimace) and say, "Yep. Goodnight." (It's code for, "okay, okay, I've given you money, get off my fucking porch, hippie.")

It's one of those situations where all you've done is done your job, and you've done it DAMN well, but it's managed to make someone else uncomfortable. Not everyone appreciates it when you're right. ;D

You know I'm teasing you, but you know there's truth there; and you know we try to leave people with real smiles. But there are THOSE DAYS. And the Smilers are the nastiest, fellow Ninja, be careful! ;D Continue kicking ass.

-Sleepy Me

P.S. Thanks for calling, sorry I was dreaming at the time. I remember an apology for your state governor. Good work, Step One of your Path to Penance and Reparation is complete; please contact for further instructions. ::smilesmile.::

that's what you get...

when the game assassin gets called on to tax that ass.

people just don't know.


I get that expression when people, who have been invited to come to my house, finally show up and stay awhile. I think it has something to do with this pity thing for me, being all alone for hours with small children. Then they start me talking. By the time I open the door to see them off, I about get bowled over as they grab their things and bolt for their cars...

Understandablly, I've had that same expression every time my youngest brother's wife starts talking. She has a tendency to start on one subject, switch midway to some interesting, but possibly not entirely related side-story, then rounds back to something completely off the path of the conversation we were having to begin with, coming back to another story that's, possibly, connected somehow to the first, but not the topic of conversation...before eventually finishing what it was she had started to tell you in the first place.

What can I say? We mostly-at-home moms need help.;D

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