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Raised by Wolves

Gaki: writing myself Real

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Okay, let's kick this 2006 thing off.

When I was much younger, I used to imagine what it'd be like to work in Test at a video game company. Not, you understand, that it was ever my dream job. I daydream constantly about my life, other lives, conversations that never happened, places I've never been, fights, tragedies, hideous accidents, shame and drama and murder and romance, anything and everything. I don't dream much at night, and the needy, unloved dreams make their way into my head during the day, surfacing behind my eyes like rotting chests floating up from the bottom of a lake of buried secrets. They used to call people like me "dreamers," fondly or unfondly -- now they wait to spot these tendencies in kids as young as possible, and abort those dreams with a succession of Ritalin hits as quickly as possible, before they can damage us with their poignancy... but, I digress.

I imagined my day in a quiet, well-lit office, with the gentle wooded swards of perhaps the Pacific Northwest waving good-morning on my way in, perhaps peeking in through the windows. Healthy and in good spirits, I'd diligently labor there each day, helping hew the electronic landscapes out of unformed aetheral gut rock, the unformed daydreams of coding language.

Now, this reality as it stands contains similarities to what I envisioned; it's just that, as a dashing young slacker-lad I was unaware of such factors as the bullshit paperwork I'd have to do frequently, of the mental fatigue and burnout factor associated with handling 50+ hours of work every week, the poor pay, the general lack of respect from other departments, the encroaching carpal tunnel, twinging elbow nerves, and decaying eyesight. The collateral damage, you know. That said, I'm not complaining; all jobs have their associated tribulations. I'm just trying to explain in part why I fell of the map for a minute, there.

How to bring you up to speed on what I've been up to lately...? The holidays, the car repairs, the wisdom teeth extraction, the wedding?

Let's start with the wedding.

kingsnake's marriage to his longtime fiancee' was a small, cordial, and lovely affair. If you've moved as many times as I have over the years, you may occasionally get the gypsy blues like I do, when you realize that all the people you've made friends with over the years are split up all over the neighborhood, the city, the state, the continent, the WORLD, and there's not one single one of those places that you're really sure is home, and none of these people really get in touch with each other or anything -- it feels like whole tribes, whole epochs of my life are things I've imagined sometimes, because these people who you hold dear are never ever in the same place at the same time, together. So, it's very difficult for me to describe in words what an especial treat it was to be with some forty of these amazing souls gathered in the same place, even for so brief a time. It was like one of those dreams where for some reason your coworkers are hanging out with your high school friends in a place that's kind of like a place you recognize, but different inexplicably, you know what I mean?

stilsonkidd mustered some infinitesimal fraction of his vast musical ability to set a gorgeous soundtrack for the event on a jury-rigged setup of laptops and portable keyboards, and did it with panache. I managed to not lose the rings or do anything incredibly retarded in the best man role. The ceremony went briefly, beautifully, and without a single hitch. After it was over, and everyone was squared away, all the photos were taken, and all had directions to the reception, I was able to go wander around in the jungle with the wild animals for a while.

Did I mention the wedding took place at the zoo? ^_^

It made for quite an enchanted afternoon, as all over our lovely combat-booted, dreadlocked, tuxedoed, blue-haired, pierced, sharp, and sexy wunderkinds infiltrated the wild kingdom in small groups, and caused a little bit of a stir most everywhere we went. Claire, Kim, jaspyr and I made quite the troupe, hatching numerous brilliant plans involving shaved llamas and panda-suited guerrilla humping attacks. In an event that I was absolutely unable to live down for the rest of the day (and probably, my life), a little girl paused to tug on her mom's dress, point at me, and inquire, "Mommy, why is that man so pretty?" (I blame the tuxedo as the culprit, my devastating mixed-race good looks notwithstanding. Cough.) >.> After I silenced everyone with my Gaze of Doom (tm), jaspyr reflected that from the mouths of babes, we often hear such things -- before the world around us has locked down and genderized the vocabulary we use, until we dream less interesting dreams, and say things that only vaguely resemble what we mean.

I'm assured the food at the reception was good; I, knowing that I'd be called upon to make the official toast at some point during the evening, was too nervous to eat hardly any of it. Somehow when it was over, I hadn't tripped over anything or frozen in mid-word, and people were complimenting me. I attribute this more to their gracious nature than any public speaking skill of mine, but my mom has requested that I try and set down what I said, so sometime in the near future, I'll try and recollect it. Apart from that, it was a chance to finally kick back and talk to some of these people whom I hadn't seen for months or years.

The main event was of course the bouquet toss. Most of the women I know pride themselves on not being "girly girls," but watching the pre-toss "huddle," I confess I felt a wave of what I might only attempt to describe as "dire feminine energy." Clearly, I can assume that there were people who were supposed to get the toss, and people who I surmise were not going to be allowed to catch anything other than a backhand. kingsnake and I stood at the back holding folding chairs to hand off in case anyone needed a weapon, but for the most part the men left the floor of the "killing zone" as clear as possible. A couple of the meeker gents dived over the second-floor railing as the flowers hit the air, and I don't fault them for it. Most of it went down too fast for me to see, though I'm pretty sure I saw Kim and Annette (who, having no desire to actually catch the bouquet, were on Enforcer detail) throw a couple of kidney punches from the back of the crowd when no one else was looking.

And that, as they say, is that. There will be pictures of course.


Many projects loom this year, waiting for me to gear up and go on the attack. I have about a tenth of a novel that shows promise, but I need to pull it apart, deconstruct it, and turn it into something that cooks. I'd like to consolidate all these bloody sites I have, start updating mainly from the Chamber site, and kick the updates to here and myspace either manually or by feed. Game reviews I want to do. Last year at this time, I was doing pretty damn poorly. But I've hit the ground running this year; now let's see if I can turn the momentum into something.


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If I say my prayers at night and eat my vegetables, can I grow up to write like you?

Also FYI I should be making an appearance bayside @ WonderCon. We should arrange an LJ crossover!

Please do not remove fuseji's memory card from the PS2 while saving.

That's silly. Then who would write like fuseji?

More importantly, if I'd known that about vegetables, I would have stopped eating people's hearts to gain their skills ages ago. Color me red! (With embarassment. Not sweet, sweet blood. Which forms no part of my diet. At all. No matter what you've heard. Ahem.) ^_^

Damn, I forgot all about Wondercon! Are you going for the whole weekend? With any luck, my stupid schedule will be calmer by February, and I'll a weekend day free to head down to the convention center. Keep me posted!

I'll be at the con for the full duration (Fri-Sun), so let me know your schedule. When the week of the event draws near, we should exchange phone numbers or something.

God, will there ever be anything that can make the prospect of meeting internet acquaintances in real life seem less like a bad blind date at the beginning of a slasher movie?

fuseji cowers in fear as the killer slowly advances...

Speaking of death, you know what kills me? Having to introduce myself or other people in mixed company by their LJ names. It makes me want to take my own lunch money and push myself into the nearest locker.

My roommate, the incomparable kingsnake, voiced interest in going to check out a couple of the speakers and rock a couple of faces as well, so it's looking like I will be there for Saturday and/or Sunday. Looks like the mutant LJ crossover will be shipping to retailers in February. ^_^

Also, this raises the question: if you have a slasher flick with THREE brown folk in the main cast, who gets killed first?

Well. You are pretty. And I do admit: I cracked up reading this. You got to see 'Netta? I would have loved to witness their wedding. I'm glad they went for the zoo over the marriot. I tried to send the Oracle a congratulatory text message on the whole affair, but I was in the middle of the fucking Yukon. Please pass on the enthusiasm to he and his lovely bride (whom, though I met briefly, do adore.) I have so many back logs of pages, I'm not sure where to start. There's a reciept with blue pen scrawled in a familiar manner on the back that looks promising. Maybe I'll start with that.

Thanks for the book recommendation. It's kicking ass.

Now, don't YOU start. :P

The 'Netta makes quite a picture in formalwear.

Consider the enthusiasm passed on, and I'm glad you're liking the book! I'll have to get recommendations from you at some point in time. I haven't sunk into a really good book for a few months, now.

Was she in a tux or a dress?

A little of both, a very professional suit sort of thing. I will track you down some pics, never fear. ^_^

Like you tracked me down the gift shipping intel, Ninja? Mmhmm. I will demand proof. Your christmas present is ransom until then.

Ouch... fair enough. :P Her address has actually shifted slightly since then, from downstairs to upstairs. I mean, you could always just send it care of me, and I could just WALK it over there. Or I could snoop around in her mail next time I'm there. ^_^ But I guess that's all moot until I score you some pics, eh?

::bows:: I'm on the case.

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